The Woman Behind the Counter ~ Reprinted

February 5th, 2010 by admin

The other day I was in the Phoenix Airport on my way to a meeting in Denver. Unsure of how long it would take to get the car parked, get the luggage checked, get through the security line, and get to our gate, we (my husband Michael and I) ended up at the airport early. Once we parked our belongings at the gate, I did what I always do when I’m early to the airport; I headed toward the News Stand for the sole purpose of staring at the tabloid magazine covers. Yes, I know, it’s a nasty habit, but before you cast your stones, I should tell you I only allow myself to read the COVERS of the magazines. JUST the covers. And even in those few moments I can feel my brain cells rotting and my dislike for humanity mounting.

However, on this particular trip to the News Stand I witnessed something much more fascinating, and disturbing, than any tabloid could offer.

In this particular News Stand there was a friendly looking gentleman. He had a pleasant face that was graced with a cheerful smile. He and I were hovering in the same area; I was looking at the magazines, he was looking at the Snickers bars. Though, “looking” wouldn’t be the right word — “agonizing over” would be a better way of putting it. You see, this friendly-seeming man was about 200 pounds from healthy. As we stood silently by each other, I could hear him as he struggled to breathe, and watch him shift uncomfortably from foot to foot as he worked his way down the candy display.

I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he picked up a regular sized Snickers with his right hand and a KING sized Snickers with his left. He looked at his two options, back and forth, back and forth. He rolled them around in his hands, crinkled their wrappers, contemplating his decision. After at least a minute, he reached to put the regular sized one back … a shame, I thought. He was so close.

But then, like a flash of lightening from above, at the very last moment, he THREW the KING sized Snickers back. It landed atop the gum with a deafening THUD. The man turned and looked at me with regular Snickers in his hand. Gripped it tightly, shrugged, and smiled.

For a moment, I saw a glimpse of pride on his face; the kind of pride that comes from taking control of your life. Granted, it wasn’t the BEST decision, but it WAS a step in the right direction and it was clear he was pleased with himself. I smiled back and nodded; a silent congratulations for a job well done.

He took his regular sized Snickers strutted to the register where a 50ish woman waited. She was friendly in an abrasive sort of way, and as I moved to look at the cover of Men’s Health I heard her say to the man (who was still in the glow of his recent victory):

“Sure you don’t want the KING sized Snickers? Looks awful good…”

The man who had just made a good decision, froze. He stared at the woman behind the counter. In that moment, it was as if the Phoenix Airport stopped…. As he stared at the abrasive woman behind the counter, I stared at him. The woman reached for the KING sized and waved it in front of his face. “Don’t do it. Don’t do it,” I willed him. But in the next moment, he nodded, took the KING sized Snickers, paid, and slowly walked away.

I wanted to say something, but it wasn’t my place. As he walked past, he didn’t look my way, instead he looked to the ground and to the KING sized decision he held in his hand.

Now, it would be easy to blame the woman behind the counter for the demise of our Snicker loving friend. She didn’t HAVE to offer him the KING size when he seemed to be perfectly content. However, it is not her fault; she was only doing her job (I swear they get paid on commission — every time I try to buy a magazi… I mean, a pack of gum… they always ask if I would like water or a snack. It can’t JUST be because they’re really concerned for my hydration or hunger). No, the responsibility lies solely in the man who ultimately made the choice.

We relate to this man. Whether you struggle with your weight, or you struggle to make good financial decisions. Maybe you make poor decisions, of any size, in your personal relationships. Whatever your vice may be (and there may be many), we have all been here before; on the brink of a breakthrough, only to fall short with no one to blame but ourselves. Whether you’ve been there once or been there 100 times, there is an important lesson to learn here; one that may not be the most obvious.

Who you are now does not determine who you will be.

I’ll say it again. Who you are now does not determine who you will be.

Sounds nice, right? Easy lesson, nice lesson, hopeful lesson. The catch is this: you have to MAKE it so. The difference between who you are NOW and who you will BE happens because of choice. It doesn’t have to be a heroic choice, it can be small/consistent choices made everyday in the right direction, that make the difference. But they MUST be made and can only be made by you.

How do you do this?

First: start seeing yourself NOW as the person you will BE. If you’re broke, start seeing yourself as un-broke. If you’re alone, see yourself wrapped in the warmth of a healthy relationship. If you’re heavier than you would like to be, see yourself thin.

Second: It is not enough to just SEE yourself there, you must start behaving in a way that mirrors the behaviors of the kind of person you will become. Un-broke people make sound decisions when it comes to finances — do that now. Healthy people find joy in salads and low-fat dressing — you should too.

Third: Stay focused. There is a good chance that others will continue to see you as you are now, and that’s ok. It’s not their fault. They may not be aware that you have made a decision to change; not aware that you are making small consistent decisions toward the person you want to become. They may not SEE those small decisions or REALIZE what they are adding up to. Stay focused on YOU. On YOUR vision for yourself. And don’t be afraid to verbalize your desires to those around you so they can aid in your transformation.

This is where I believe our friend at the candy counter went astray:

Perhaps he was seeing himself not as who he IS, but who he could BE — well, healthy, happy…

I KNOW he was making a small decision in the right direction…

But when he got to the counter, the abrasive woman saw him as he WAS: a man who “must” love KING sizes. And instead of staying focused, instead of standing as a warrior for his future-self, he crumbled with the words “I will always be this” ringing in his defeated ears.

We all relate to this story. We have all been there. I just urge you to not go there again. Fight for you future self, and beware the woman behind the counter.

When all was said and done, I walked out of the News Stand empty-handed and heavy hearted. I took my seat at Gate C27 and waited for our plane to arrive.

(Post Note: Michael ended up sitting next to this man on the plane. When I told Michael this story, looong after the flight, he said, “That makes it worse … he was such a nice guy.”)

Kindra Hall

Kindra Hall is a storyteller with 18 years of experience. She shares her stories on stage, in coaching sessions, and on her blog: www.kindrahalltellsall.com. She works with organizations and individuals to discover, craft, and deliver their stories in order to more effectively communicate their mission and values. She has performed on the stage of the National Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, TN at the Exchange Place.

(copyright 2009 KindraHallTellsAll)

Hope in it’s Metaphorm

January 18th, 2010 by admin

My hope is connected to the universal ‘pool’ of hope.  In my own experience, there is a universal collective that co-exists with peace & joy.  That universal pool floods into my personal stores when they run low and my supply also replenishes that of the universal pool when a leak springs elsewhere.

My willingness is a force much like the hoover dam, and that mighty dam is powered by faith.  The difference between hope and faith comes in the form of wisdom or knowing.  Hope for me is the idea or the belief of ’something more’.  Faith is the innate knowing that this is true.  Sometimes the dam gets supercharged with energy when joy or excitement enter the mix.  As though an extra log is put on the faith fire.

The dam operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to maintain whatever flow is required.  The interesting thing I note is that it is not manned by anyone in particular - the keeper is faceless and nameless.  Sometimes the keeper turns on all the lights of the dam and I take this as a sign of presence.  However, even when the lights are dim, I know they will come on again.

The hope recharges the system.

It is both purpose and fuel.

It’s the evenings that get me….

January 7th, 2010 by admin

“I have no problem during the day, it’s that lull when I get home - before supper, that I cave”

“It’s like an addiction… once I have one bite I just can’t seem to stop”

“I promised myself that THIS YEAR I would stick to it… so far I’ve done ok, but it’s only January 6th”

“I thought I would try and fill my calendar with positive things - I joined the gym (again), I’m trying a yoga class, and I haven’t had a bite of fast food (well unless you count Tim Horton’s cream of broccoli soup) so far this year”

“New Year, fresh start, I’m going for it … and I’m going to go back to weight watchers”

“I’ve tried everything … I’m pretty sure I need to just learn to be happy being big and heavy”

These are all statements I heard just yesterday.  YESTERDAY ALONE.  And I know I will hear more today, and tomorrow.

The puck has dropped.  We are now in the midst of the flurry and scramble of activities to try and make this year the one in which everything comes together. Very soon the mad scramble will lose a little of it’s almost desperate drive, the rhythm will slow down a tempo or two for some, and others will re-position themselves once again as sideline observers because that is what is most familiar.

Many will give up again, citing it’s too hard, Monday is a new day, I’m too tired, the time isn’t right.  There will be another few that actually lift their heads and look up.  They may get a feeling for what is really required  at this stage in order to ensure their plans unfold and results come to be.

It’s facinating really - how this dance occurs.  I say it all the time to people - we stick with or revert back to what we know.  It might not be comfortable or healthy or fun or fulfilling or rewarding to do what we do, we might be downright miserable… and it happens because it is familiar.

But when you learn how to shift the familiar pattern, the implications can be magical.  Imagine if your unconscious patterns simply needed one extra mini step added to dramatically impact your success.  How much longer are you willing to stay in familiar?  What stops YOU from getting what you really want?

Resolve…. and mean it this time!

December 24th, 2009 by admin

Yes, you will hear me mention resolutions…

After all, the catalyst nature of the expectation is useful for some.  We also come to associate ‘fresh start’ with ‘new year’ and the one word that sums it up with universal meaning is of course the ‘R’ word.

And then there are the, how shall i put this…. ‘wagon fall-er off-ers’.  OK. Well, we know that in most cases this is a majority rules group. The majority of people who make resolutions don’t keep ‘em and are right back at the habits, behaviours, ways of thinking, that they swore they’d leave behind like last year’s blackberry schedule.

Problem is, this in itself is a pattern that could use a bit of shaking up.  You will see some practical goal advice here over the next while.  But in addition to that, I invite you to check out the program that may kick your resolution breaking pattern to the curb for good and give you some practical tools for Life-Lasting change - that will leave you resolution FREE.      ahhh.

Wellness seekers note: Potential abounds as Change Strategist joins multi-disciplinary clinic

December 8th, 2009 by admin

Drop in the Pond’s Change Strategist, Krysta Chapman is joining the practitioner team at Health Partners Professionals of Barrie, ON. A natural fit to the already robust mind, body, spirit modalities currently being offered.

(PRWEB) December 10, 2009 — Successful entrepreneur, facilitator and certified practitioner of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Krysta Chapman (www.dropinthepond.com) is thrilled to announce she is joining the wellness team at the Health Partners Professionals clinic on Bryne Dr. in Barrie, Ontario effective January 1, 2010.

“It is just such a great environment! The team (at Health Partners Professionals) is dedicated to each client’s comprehensive care, and to finding the best approach for optimum wellness for the individual. ”

As a Change Strategist, Krysta works with individuals one on one, teaching tools for emotional management, greater achievement, behavioural excellence and evolution to well being. By bringing awareness to the physiological experiences (neuro) that are very much a part of our patterns and strategies (programming), Krysta explores with language (linguistic), and enables her clients by guiding them to discover their own options and alternatives.  Her passion for helping others find their own personal power is evident in her popular workshops and speaking engagements, and participants thrive in the facilitated group therapy that is also available.

When questioned about what a Change Strategist does, Krysta often replies, “Imagine what it will be like when you shift ONE THING that you think is holding you back. If you could learn how to overcome fear, make decisions, resolve grief, respond to criticism, recover from guilt or shame, deal with anxiety, shift pain or quiet the crazy stories in your head… would you agree NOW is a good time to have the resulting Freedom? Balance? Harmony? Peace?”

Krysta adds “How might your relationships, your job, your performance in a sport or skill, or your life as a whole improve? We are programmed to think that we are prone to limitations somehow, or that we don’t have choices and this sometimes leads us to feel ’stuck’ in one way or another. My favourite thing is to help people slow down just long enough to notice where they may be settling or unsatisfied in their life, and give them an opportunity to see, hear and feel things differently. It does not have to be hard, and it does not have to take long, and the results are often astounding.”

Krysta’s work has many applications and her clients come to her with a wide variety of issues from self worth and esteem, weight management, anxiety & fear, chronic pain, communication, and relationship obstacles. Sometimes people are having a tough time getting over something from the past or are struggling with their goals or a transition in life. The clients who come to work with Krysta appreciate her compassion and the way her genuine curiosity offers them a deeper understanding and discovery of themselves.  “I am confident that we are all doing the best that we can with the resources we have available and what we know at any given moment. What I do is offer people tools to access their own resource library so to speak, to help them live their own definition of a fulfilled life.”

Health Partners Professionals is a premier, multi-disciplinary clinic offering Chiropractic, Acupuncture, Physiotherapy, Naturopathy, Massage Therapy, Reflexology, Reiki, Body Talk, Theralase Cold Laser Therapy, Active Release Therapy, Yoga, Pilates and More.  Located at 526 Bryne Dr. Unit D1, (Barrie, ON L4N 9P6) the clinic has flexible hours and offers a welcoming atmosphere with a client ‘Quiet Room’, children’s playroom and fabulous full time staffed front reception.

Krysta is pre-booking sessions for January at the clinic, and is busily preparing for her next DIScover YOU Workshop on January 16, 2010. (www.dropinthepond.com/events) To book a free 15 minute introductory session with Krysta, or for further information, please call the direct line at 705-796-4797 or the clinic at 705-730-1533.

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What’s so important about that?

December 1st, 2009 by admin

Are you noticing a conflict within?  Perhaps an internal debate that goes round and round (or for others back and forth).  A little voice that, right in the midst of near decision,  is so quick to blurt out “Yes But…”,  you can hardly recognize where it came from?

For so many of us, THIS is the place of stuckness.  And the fascinating thing about being stuck is that usually, when we take the time to look at it a different way, those options (or not-an-options as some of my clients have referred to them), are pointing us to the thing we are seeking. AND, we can have it NOW.  No need to wait.

HUH? What could she possibly mean by that?

Conflict is often a misalignment of values.  When we roll it down, the underlying core is about a feeling or experience.

When I ask a client “What is important about ________?”   (An unmet goal, a choice, a decision, a limiting behaviour, a thought process)   more times than not, the answer is “It makes me feel ___________.”   (Safe, excited, relaxed, happy, wanted, important, loved, etc. etc.)

Occasionally it takes a couple more questions.  i.e. I had a client tell me that he felt ‘trapped’ and he didn’t have a choice about a relationship issue.  He often kept his thoughts and opinions to himself and was feeling like a doormat.  When I ask what’s important about feeling trapped, I got the response  “It keeps me where I am” -and what’s important about keeping you where you are? “It’s how I feel connected to my kids”. And in feeling connected to your kids, what’s important about that? “I know I am a great dad and I feel confident.”

The great insight in this case was that the client was able to identify his value of maintaining connection with his kids and how confident that connection made him feel.  He was able to confidently :-)  provide a whole list of ways he could connect with his kids AND step out of his own trap by using his voice in the relationship.

In nearly every case, the bottom line is a physiological experience or feeling.

The really amazing thing is that with this information, we can actually CHOOSE to have that feeling or experience AHEAD of time - in fact we can CHOOSE TO FEEL confident, safe, excited, scared, relaxed, happy, wanted, sad, important, loved, etc. etc  NOW, and then go about making the changes we want as they apply to the goal, choice, decision, limiting behaviour, thought process that seemed to be keeping us stuck.

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Set the intent…it is the critical step many of us leave out

November 28th, 2009 by admin

Declaring in positive certainty what you intend to do, change, be or want is the step that most of us get wishy-washy about… AND it’s the most important one! We get this confused with the ‘HOW it’s going to happen’ and it throws us off track before we even begin.

Notice how different situations or events have led you to where you are.  We often look back and can see the ‘turning points’ or the ironic occurrences that enabled something else to happen….guess what…your intent - whether you were aware of it or not, conscious or more than likely UNCONSCIOUS,  was the first step to manifest those occurrences.

I thought I’d share this great blog post from Steve… (Even though it is from 2005 it’s relevance is profound)

Cause-Effect vs. Intention-Manifestation

October 17th, 2005 by Steve Pavlina

One of the key models for goal achievement is that of cause and effect. This model says that your goal is an effect to be achieved, and your task is to identify and then create the cause that will produce the desired effect, thereby achieving your goal.

Sounds simple enough, right?

However, the main problem with this model is that nearly everyone seriously misunderstands it. And that misunderstanding comes from not knowing what a “cause” really is.

You might assume that the cause of an effect would be a series of physical and mental actions leading up to that effect. Action-reaction. If your goal is to make dinner, then you might think the cause would be the series of preparation steps.

To an outside observer, that certainly appears to be the case. The scientific method would suggest that this is how things work, based on a purely objective observation.

However, within your own consciousness, you know that the series of action steps is not the real cause. The actions are themselves an effect, aren’t they?

What’s the real cause? The real cause is the decision you made to create that effect in the first place. That’s the moment you said to yourself, “Let it be” or “make it so.” At some point you decided to make dinner. That decision may have been subconscious, but it was still a decision. Without that decision the dinner would never manifest. That decision ultimately caused the whole series of actions and finally the manifestation of your dinner.

Where does that decision arise from? It might arise from your subconscious, or in the case of conscious decisions, it arises from your consciousness. Ultimately your consciousness is the greater power, as it can override subconscious choices once it becomes aware of them.

Missing this very simple distinction has contributed to quite a number of failed goals.

If you want to achieve a goal you’ve set, the most crucial part is to DECIDE to manifest it. It doesn’t matter if you feel it’s outside your control to do so. It doesn’t matter if you can’t yet see how you’ll get from A to B. Most of those resources will come online AFTER you’ve made the decision, not before.

If you don’t understand this simple step, then you will waste a lot of time. Step 1 is to decide. Not to ruminate or to ponder or to ask around and see whether or not you can do it. If you want to start your own business, then decide to make it so. If you want to be married and have a family, then decide to attract a mate. If you want to change careers, then decide to do so.

It blows my mind that people think that something else has to come before the decision. People waste months trying to figure out, “Is this goal possible?” And this makes a lot of sense to do so if you’re at a certain level of consciousness. But all you’re really doing is creating delay, and you’ll simply manifest evidence to suggest that the goal is both possible and not possible. You think doubt in your head, you find doubt in the world.

Time and again I’ve seen evidence that not only people, but the universe itself, can sense a lack of commitment to a goal. Have you ever heard someone tell you about a goal of theirs, and you can just sense how wishy-washy and uncertain they are about it? They say things like, “Well, I’m going to try this and see how it goes. Hopefully it will work out OK.” Is that evidence that a clear decision has been made? Not remotely. Are you going to help this person? Probably not — who wants to waste their time on someone who isn’t committed?

But what happens when you sense total certainty in the other person? Will you help them if they ask for it? You’re far more likely to help a committed person because you can tell they’re eventually going to succeed anyway, and you want to be part of that success. You even feel more energized and motivated yourself to contribute to the success of people who are very clearly committed to a goal that resonates with you and which is genuinely for the greatest good of all.

Don’t you think this process works the same way within your own mind? If your consciousness is divided against itself, do you think it will commit all its internal resources to your goal? Will your subconscious give you all the energy and creativity it possibly could, or will it hold back? Think of your subconscious mind as a multi-tasking computer processor. What percentage of resources will it devote to a task that you’ve told it to execute with the words, “Run this for a little bit and see if it works, but quickly dump it if it seems too difficult”? Now what if you gave that CPU a process labeled, “Run this now”?

The universe itself works on the same principle. Think of it as the superconscious mind. When you’ve made a clear, committed decision, it will open the universal floodgates, bringing you all the resources you need, sometimes in seemingly mysterious or impossible ways.

Whenever you want to set a new goal for yourself, start by setting it. Take the time to become clear about what you want, but then just declare it.

Say to the universe, “Here is the goal. Make it so.”

Do not ask the universe for what you want. Declare it. Don’t ask. This is very similar to prayer, but you are not praying FOR what you want. You are praying WHAT you want. You are simply saying, “Here it is. Make it so.” It is like planting a seed in the ground. You do not say to the ground, “Here is the seed. Please, can you make it grow?” You simply plant the seed, and it will grow as a natural consequence of your planting and tending to it. It is the same with your intentions. Simply plant them. There’s no need to beg.

Intend that your goal manifest in such a manner that is for the greatest good of all. This is very important, as intentions that are created out of fear or a sense of lack will backfire. You may get what you want, but it will yield a bitter aftertaste. Or you may get the exact opposite of what you want. But intentions that are genuinely made for your own good and the greatest good of all will tend to manifest in a positive way.

After I declare my intention, I wait for the resources and synchronicities to arrive. Usually they begin to manifest in 24-48 hours, sometimes sooner. Sometimes these synchronicities appear to be the result of subconscious action. I just happen to notice things that may have been there all along, but now I see them in a new light, and they become resources for me that I never noticed until after I declared my intention. But many times it’s nearly impossible to explain such synchronicities as the result of my own subconscious action, even if I step back and try to look at them purely objectively. Sometimes they come in such unusual avalanches that I can only explain them as the result of superconscious action. On some level the universe itself is aware of my intention and is doing its part to help manifest it. I also find that the more inviting I am of these synchronicities, the more easily they flow. Right now I typically experience about 10 per week on average, and I think that’s because I have many different intentions in the process of manifesting, so there’s a constant flow of resources coming to me.

The mental and physical planning and action steps come later. That’s how I organize the resources that have arrived. Once enough resources have come to me, I can begin to see how they all fit together to achieve the goal. But if the path seems too complicated or difficult and I don’t like what I see, I put out some new intentions to make it the way I want it to be. I declare, “Let it be simpler.” I again wait for the synchronicities to arrive, and a simpler approach becomes clear. Usually for an approach to be simpler, it means I have to get past some personal block within me. I have to grow on some level in order to be able to take advantage of a simpler solution. Or perhaps I have to learn a new skill first. So while it might be simpler, it might also be harder on a personal level. For example, by putting out the intention to do more to help people, I had to develop my communication skills. That makes the goal easier to achieve, but it’s more work up front.

It took me a number of years to be able to trust this approach before I could begin to use it as my default manner of goal achievement. I have to be open to achieving goals in unusual ways sometimes. I get what I intend, but not always what I expect. So when the synchronicities begin dropping me clues, I do not always understand how they’ll be part of the path to the goal. But invariably there’s an intelligence at work, and if I trust it, it will work just fine. Usually it will bring me new information first, so I can raise my own awareness and knowledge to the level required to achieve the goal.

For example, if you declare your goal to become wealthier, within a few days you might see all sorts of synchronicities related to spirituality. They may seem to have nothing to do with wealth whatsoever. So you figure it’s just a coincidence, and the approach isn’t working. But the approach is sound, and it is working. Most likely it’s a signal that the path to wealth first requires you to improve your consciousness. This is especially true if your intention was for the highest good of all. If you become wealthy before your energy and consciousness have reached a certain level, then greater material wealth may only feed your problems — your goal cannot yet manifest for the greatest good of all. But if you first learn to use your energy and consciousness positively, then the greater resources that wealth provides you will be a positive manifestation instead of a negative one.

In truth this is a simple and direct process. But our minds are so cluttered with the flotsam and jetsam of social conditioning that we have a hard time thinking on this level. We get so attached to seeing our goals manifest a certain way because that’s how they manifest in TV shows or in movies. Or maybe that’s how our parents or friends did it. But this attachment to a particular “how” blocks us from allowing our goals to manifest far more easily. If we could loosen up a bit on the “how” and just learn to allow the manifestation to occur in its own perfect way, goal achievement would be far easier.

So often I see people sabotage their own goals because they do not understand the power of intention. Realize that EVERY thought is truly an intention. Every thought. So most people manifest a cluttered mish-mash of conflict in their lives because their thoughts are in conflict. They simultaneously set a goal and then unset it. “I want to start my own business.” “I wonder if it will work.” “I wonder if I’ll succeed.” “Maybe this won’t work.” “Maybe John is right, and this is a mistake.” “No, I’m pretty sure it will work just fine.”

If you are trying to achieve goals on the level of action-reaction, meaning that you’re purely focused on the action steps, while at the higher level of intention-manifestation, you’re putting out conflicting thoughts, then you’re sabotaging yourself. If you go on a diet and exercise like crazy, while all the while thinking, “I’m fat. This is hopeless. This is taking too long,” then your higher level intentions will override your actions, and negative or incongruent results will follow.

If you want to achieve a goal, you must clear out all the “hopefully” and “maybe” and “can’t” nonsense from your consciousness. You cannot allow yourself the luxury of a negative thought, and that is an intention to manifest what you don’t want. This takes practice of course, but it is the essential art of learning to use your consciousness to create what you want. When you are congruent in your thoughts, your goal will manifest with ease. But when you are incongruent in your thoughts, you will manifest conflict and obstacles. As within, so without.

Why is it you’re able to do this? Because you have that power. Not believing in yourself simply means you’re using your own power against yourself. You’re like a god saying, “Let me be powerless,” and you don’t even realize it. If you think/intend weakness, you manifest weakness. If you project your power outside yourself and onto the external world, you lose your power.

You don’t need anyone’s permission to do this. It is a natural human ability. But it takes practice to develop your consciousness to the level where you can apply it and especially to learn to trust it.

What happens if you decide to manifest a really, really big goal, one that seems physically impossible? The process will still work. It’s just that there will be a lot more steps, and you may be led through various synchronicities for years before you’ve reached the point where your ultimate goal can manifest. It might take longer than your human lifetime if the goal is so big. But you will certainly make progress if you use this approach.

So what is your goal? Say it out loud right now, and let it be for the greatest good of all. Then say to the universe, “Make it so.” Wait for the synchronicities and unusual coincidences to arrive. Follow them where they want to lead you, even if it seems strange at first. Allow your goal to manifest.

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Can I work on myself while in relationship?

November 1st, 2009 by admin

Something stuck with me after group a while ago, and it’s a question I have heard before.

Often when relationship is in crisis or partners are unhappy yet not really sure why, they think that the only way to become ‘happy’ is to leave the relationship.  A departure intended to allow them to ‘find’ themselves.

This is not always feasible, nor is it always the best choice when considering the family structure and dynamics. (i.e. children, finances etc.)  That being said, I do not advocate staying in any situation where there is abuse or danger of any sort.

Often a person is left feeling hopeless because they are sure that the only way for them to ’sort through their feelings’ is OUTSIDE of the situation, remedied by leaving a marriage or relationship.

Interestingly enough, the majority of the work likely has to do with the person’s ‘INSIDE’….and modifying the OUTSIDE in this way may only put off, prolong or mask the underlying issues and growth that needs to occur.

One of the things I have learned is that it is POSSIBLE to change/heal/grow/improve while still in relationship - and something to clarify is that there isn’t an ‘END’, there isn’t a ‘finish’ to the change/healing/growth we are all intended to experience. (Though the crisis or peak or intensity that one might be in right now does subside) Personal evolution is not a process that will be ‘done’ - but in taking time to explore our structures such as values, beliefs, motivators, feelings, root causes and emotions,  people definitely have more certainty and clarity about who they are and when they may be responding from an old pattern or the ‘old you’ as I often refer to it.

In order to do the work while IN relationship, it takes a few things that certainly aren’t limited to the following:

1) BOUNDARIES - clean boundaries and respect for your own and your partner’s boundaries and present limitations

2) A WILLINGNESS TO BE WRONG and to be truthful about it

3) RISK -  risk doing something different than you have done before if you want to get a different result.  This can be really scary and is usually what prevents a step forward.  The chance that something will be uncomfortable or even ‘weird’ sometimes overpowers an unknown option or possibility.

4) A DECISION TO BE OK with not knowing -even for a little while.  My own past included a core belief that it was not safe to “not know” and I would worry about the future and hesitate, based on what the made up predictions and stories were about people’s reactions and results.  I now own a core of comfort;  I trust that not knowing everything is ok :) - and I counter it with curiosity instead of concern and worry.

5) NOT BEING ATTACHED TO THE OUTCOME - similar but slightly different than the being ok with not knowing.  We can’t always control it, we can’t always predict it and we can’t always change it if we don’t like it - but if we live life attached to the outcome we miss out on NOW.  And personally, I would rather let NOW be the predominant time in my life rather than what may or may not happen later on.

6) GIVE YOURSELF ‘ROOM’ while growing, learning & considering risking a new behaviour or way of thinking.  Do this by only applying it to this time, instead of linking future meaning with the risked change.  i.e. If you decide to interrupt an old pattern of behaviour it does NOT mean you will always have to do ‘it’ from now on.

For example:

Client OLD BEHAVIOUR: I would REACT (get angry) as a result of feeling like I had been dismissed in a conversation

Client NEW BEHAVIOUR: I chose to RESPOND by viewing the other person with 100% compassion and non-judgement around their behaviour, trusting that they are doing the best that they know how (even if it isn’t how I would choose for them to act) while taking  ownership of MY STUFF causing MY REACTION & casting meaning that “I don’t count enough…etc. “

The change was possible based on the condition that it was a risk for THIS TIME ONLY.  Meaning the client did not have to promise others or self that “this is how I was going to be from here on out…..” which made it ok to TRY a different pattern or response.

Having witnessed shifts in many people, ‘doing the work’ while remaining in relationship takes commitment and determination AND it is possible.  This growth can enable people to contribute as gift to relationship (further discussion on gift vs. transaction for payment will come in a future post) without old expectations and needs put on the other person.  The lessons we are meant to learn will resurface again and again whether we stay in relationship or move on.  I say let’s learn when the opportunities present themselves!

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When the ground shakes…

October 19th, 2009 by admin

Often times, when we are caught up in the midst of drama or crisis, or when we are sinking or stuck in a deep rut, our deepest and oldest hurts have a chance to break through to the surface affording us an opportunity for growth. Very much like the free flowing lava that lives beneath the earth’s crust, flowing and swirling and churning unbeknownst to us. After all, sometimes what we can’t see, we occasionally forget exists, right?

Until this moment did you give a second thought to the fact that the molten rock is there? We learn about it in school as we study the physiographic features of tectonic plates and earth formations, it’s always there. It’s presence is a component of the earth’s core and it doesn’t ‘go away’ anywhere just because we don’t happen to remember to think about it.

Unless the lava is brought into your conscious thought, or unless it seeps along until it finds an unsuspecting crack generated by an earthquake, it may continue about it’s lava-like business without a second thought by us! And consider this – from the perspective of the lava, the crack is essentially an opportunity. (I hesitate to label it a fault line here because the crack just IS, it’s not right or wrong as fault may imply) All of a sudden, the lava may have options that it did not have before. With enough pressure from below, it rushes up and bursts out in the form of a volcano.

Ah, and what if that volcano just happens to be far below the surface of the ocean - perhaps the crack finds it’s way to the surface miles and miles below sea level…what then? Sure. The exposed lava cools and forms rigid walls that grow in height and thickness with each subsequent rupture -all below the ocean’s surface. So we may still in fact be unaware of the lava even though the lava is closer to our awareness than it previously was!

That is of course, until it has ruptured enough times to have channeled it’s way to the ocean’s surface where a final shift, far within the earth, enables the free flow of lava to explode right up through the self constructed, inverted funnel with a boiling fury. Bam! In full view now isn’t it!

Beautiful, natural creations exist as a result of this process. Every day I get to see some of these creations in the people I meet with. Their curiosity and (sometimes hesitant) willingness to explore a newly discovered path or to be at cause for a tectonic shift is an inspiring and breathtaking display of human nature. I have such gratitude for the smallest of opportunities that we can all choose to explore.

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Does your BUT keep you stuck?

September 25th, 2009 by admin

I’m looking to work with more people with big BUTS!

You will often recognize someone with a BUT by listening to what they are saying about themselves. There can be a whole list of excuses & justifications one after the other, or they might simply drop their focus and give up the fight.

Sometimes a big BUT keeps someone firmly planted on the fence. Other times a big BUT may in fact appear in a room before the person ever makes it through the doorway!

People with big BUTS sometimes look around at others and ask themselves ‘why me’. Other’s justify their big BUTS with reasons from the past -they feel this is their lot in life.

What would happen if we took some time to really get to know your BUT…find out what holds it in place, gently explore a new way of looking at it, and offer some possibilities and choices you never knew you had before.

Imagine if you suddenly realized that your BUT had dissolved and was no longer an issue. What would you do then? What opportunities would open up and become available?

Waiting for your BUT to take over is one option, sure….Acknowledging it and learning how to shift it and get it out of your way is the other. And if you now respond with,

I would BUT….

Congratulations - what a great starting example! Acknowledge your BUT in all it’s limiting glory (for now) and get on with shifting and dissolving it for good!
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