What’s so important about that?
Are you noticing a conflict within? Perhaps an internal debate that goes round and round (or for others back and forth). A little voice that, right in the midst of near decision, is so quick to blurt out “Yes But…”, you can hardly recognize where it came from?
For so many of us, THIS is the place of stuckness. And the fascinating thing about being stuck is that usually, when we take the time to look at it a different way, those options (or not-an-options as some of my clients have referred to them), are pointing us to the thing we are seeking. AND, we can have it NOW. No need to wait.
HUH? What could she possibly mean by that?
Conflict is often a misalignment of values. When we roll it down, the underlying core is about a feeling or experience.
When I ask a client “What is important about ________?” (An unmet goal, a choice, a decision, a limiting behaviour, a thought process) more times than not, the answer is “It makes me feel ___________.” (Safe, excited, relaxed, happy, wanted, important, loved, etc. etc.)
Occasionally it takes a couple more questions. i.e. I had a client tell me that he felt ‘trapped’ and he didn’t have a choice about a relationship issue. He often kept his thoughts and opinions to himself and was feeling like a doormat. When I ask what’s important about feeling trapped, I got the response “It keeps me where I am” -and what’s important about keeping you where you are? “It’s how I feel connected to my kids”. And in feeling connected to your kids, what’s important about that? “I know I am a great dad and I feel confident.”
The great insight in this case was that the client was able to identify his value of maintaining connection with his kids and how confident that connection made him feel. He was able to confidently :-) provide a whole list of ways he could connect with his kids AND step out of his own trap by using his voice in the relationship.
In nearly every case, the bottom line is a physiological experience or feeling.
The really amazing thing is that with this information, we can actually CHOOSE to have that feeling or experience AHEAD of time - in fact we can CHOOSE TO FEEL confident, safe, excited, scared, relaxed, happy, wanted, sad, important, loved, etc. etc NOW, and then go about making the changes we want as they apply to the goal, choice, decision, limiting behaviour, thought process that seemed to be keeping us stuck.
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